i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
