worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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