Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
