I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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