I heard we made out
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
