im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
