someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Randomize
