He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
