also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
