I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize