a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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