ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
