what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
