so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
