Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
