This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
