I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i will never coherently bang her
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
