Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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