I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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