woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
