Me. At least after what I've been through.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
