Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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