So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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