Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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