I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
