Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize