so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
