normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
