Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
