Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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