Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
