just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
