i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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