I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
