You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
