My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
