honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
