I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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