you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
