I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
