threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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