have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
