so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Quick, to the slutcave!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
