I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
