Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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