I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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