At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
