im six kinds of drunk right now
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize