He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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