Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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