dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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