We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need to sanitize my soul.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
