cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
