Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize