just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
