Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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