Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
