tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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