They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i think my cat just said my name.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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