1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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