I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
