my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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