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why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pants are for mortals
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