i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize