you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have post one night stand depression
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