So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
