yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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