Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
