she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize