that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
