I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
